*I want to post a TRIGGER WARNING that this post, and the subsequent parts will detail infertility issues, death, preterm birth, hospital/medical bias, and other subjects that might be triggering for some. There will also be pictures of premature infants which (from personal experience) can be triggering. I will post this at the beginning of each part. *

My visit to my midwife was on a Friday. Two days later, on Sunday, before disaster struck I was in so much discomfort. I don't want to call it pain because I've had much worse pain in my life. I called my mom, and expressed frustration with my situation, and how the midwife was handling it. My mom told me to put myself on bed rest. I did that for about 24 hours, but we needed to go grocery shopping. Our shopping trips take around 2 hours because we price check, coupon, and tally as we shop. I knew this was going to be a long trip, especially considering we hadn't bought groceries in a month.

When we got to the store I decided I was going to use the electric wheelchairs to take as much pressure off my pelvis as I could. Of course when we got there I could only find one wheelchair, and it was not charged. I decided to bite the bullet, and just get it done. By the time we got back in the car, my hips and back were screaming. I was in so much pain. Actual pain now no longer discomfort. I immediately went to bed, and had my partner unload and put the groceries away.

The next day (11/10/15) I woke up feeling a modicum of relief. I knew I needed to babysit, but it was around the time the child usually napped, so I could continue my bed rest on the couch. Everything was fine at that time. I had a counseling session to head to so I went immediately there. While I was waiting I started to just feel bad. There is not really any one symptom I can pinpoint. Something just felt wrong. I let my counselor know I was going to have to miss this session as I was going to the hospital. She chastised me for even coming in instead of going straight to the hospital.

I got in the car, and headed home. I called my midwife first, then my partner on the way, and let him know we needed to immediately head to the hospital. I explained to him that most likely we would not be having the home birth we prepared for. He asked me why I felt that way. I explained it was a feeling I had. Something wasn't right, and I was sure we were going to have an extended hospital stay. I text my triplet mom friend, and she gave me positive words of encouragement, and asked for an update when I had a chance.

The hospital I went to has a protocol where when you go to L&D the security guard has to tag you, and push a button to allow elevator access. When I got to the front desk I was almost doubled over with the earlier discomfort that had now become pain. I leaned against the desk, and explained I needed to be seen. "Who told you to come here," he asked. I explained my midwife sent me. "Who is your midwife?" Disgruntled I explained that my midwife was not a part of the hospital staff. He looked from the top of my face to my (nonexistent) belly and said, "I'm going to have to call them to see if it's ok to let you go back." By this point I didn't care. I was in too much pain to argue. Because I had been seen at 20w I was in the system, and they let me up. I'm sure the security guard did not think I was pregnant. Can't really blame him too much since it is his job to vet everyone who comes in. At 27w exactly I barely was showing a bump. I'm sure I looked suspicious.

As I walked with my partner down the long corridor to the elevator I lamented that at least he could have offered me a wheelchair when it was obvious how much pain I was in. I know my partner was trying to put on a brave face, but he was clearly upset too. When we got inside the elevator he pushed the button for L&D, and nothing happened. Puzzled he pressed the button several more times. By now we are both upset. He leaves the elevator. Not wanting to leave me alone he yells down the corridor that the elevator isn't working. There is a camera pointed at the elevator. I'm not sure what distracted the guard, but that pretty much set the tone for how the rest of my stay would go.

Finally we reached the floor. My partner went back down with the elevator to properly park the car as we were double parked. I was shown to a room by a nurse. She asked me to leave a urine sample in the bathroom, then get undressed, and get in bed. Now remember I said I had joined a birth group to talk to other birthing people? Because of this I was well aware of all the gross things that your body goes through while pregnant. When I wiped after leaving my sample I lost my mucus plug. Disgusted I flushed it, got undressed, and climbed in bed. This was quite possibly the most uncomfortable bed in the history of beds. I later found out it was a birthing bed that could drop away to allow the doctor access during delivery.

A different nurse comes in, and she was an older Asian woman. My spirits lifted a little. I was happy to see another person of color. Back then I was naïve to social justice, and lateral biases. The nurse was so nice to me. She explained the different monitors she was putting on me. I told her I had lost my mucus plug. She asked me if I had saved it. Puzzled I said that I flushed it, but there was no mistaking what it was. She continued on friendly as before. Everything changed when my partner walked in the room. Part of me wanted to believe I was imagining things, but my partner later expressed similar impressions. All the niceties went out the door. Her voice was no longer cheerful, but seemed annoyed. I brushed it off as maybe me projecting my anxiety on to her. I'll never truly know as I never saw her again.

When the doctor came in the room she washed her hands, and introduced herself. She was a Latina doctor, and I was again excited to be seen by another person of color. She listened to the report the nurse gave her on my status. The doctor looks at me when the nurse was complete and says, "You are not having contractions. It sounds to me like you're experiencing round ligament pain. It would be best for you to get a belly binder when you go home." Cue internal screaming "IT'S NOT ROUND LIGAMENT PAIN I DON'T HAVE A HUGE BELLY TO PUT ANY PRESSURE ON MY LIGAMENTS!" Outwardly I just grimaced, and waited for the doctor to continue, "I am concerned that you lost your mucus plug already. I'm going to go ahead and give you a check if you don't mind." I gave the doctor permission to check.

I have never had a pelvic exam while pregnant. Sure I've had pap smears, and the such, but when you're pregnant every thing is heightened. That was quite possibly worse than the pain that brought me there. When she was finished checking me she removed her gloves and said, "Well you are 100% effaced, and three centimeters dilated. Seems you're not going home after all." She began washing her hands while I looked at my partner because I was right this whole time, and should have gone with my gut. While drying her hands, and exiting the room, as the door was closing she said, "By the way we are going to drug test your urine because that's usually the cause of preterm labor." My mouth fell open. "Ok....?" I replied.

Stay tuned for the next part! Catch up on previous parts here: 1 2