*I want to post a TRIGGER WARNING that this post, and the subsequent parts will detail infertility issues, death, preterm birth, hospital/medical bias, and other subjects that might be triggering for some. There will also be pictures of premature infants which (from personal experience) can be triggering. I will post this at the beginning of each part.*
When shift change happened I expected the doctor to come to see me around 10 am as usual. The doctor didn't end up coming to my room until mid-afternoon. The doctor was a tall, heavy set African man soaked in cologne. If you know anything about pregnant people the sense of smell is heightened. While the cologne smelled nice it was sickeningly sweet, and way too overpowering. The doctor was pleasant, introduced himself, and did something I never expected; he sat on the edge of my bed. I think he was trying to seem friendly and put me at ease, but it was very odd. I still don't know how I really felt about it.
As he sat on the bed he asked, "Mom, I hear you want to leave this hospital. and be transferred to TGH. What happened? Why do you want to leave?" Him being that close, with that overpowering cologne, was a little intimidating. I wanted to be a tiger and roar my response, but choking back tears I replied, "I want to have a natural birth. If I have to have a c-section I want to be able to have a VBAC with my next baby. The doctor who was here yesterday told me she would give me a classical incision if I went into labor, and that I would not be able to have a VBAC. I understand this hospital is not VBAC friendly. I know that TGH is VBAC friendly so I'd rather deliver there where I know they would try to honor my wishes."
"Mom," he said, "We're not going to let that happen. We don't immediately go to c-section, and if you have to have one we can make sure you can have a VBAC. I will put it in your chart. You cannot be transferred because you could go into labor in the ambulance, and your baby would be at risk. I'm sorry, but you have to stay. Did you have any food yet?" I shook my head no. I was too close to tears, and knew if I opened my mouth I would start crying. "I'm going to have your nurse get you food. You're going to be able to eat. We will also stop the magnesium, and remove your catheter. You can get up to use the bathroom, but you need to get back in bed immediately after."
I just nodded. I had nothing left to say, and no more energy to give. I had tried. I advocated for myself, and was shut down time and time again. After the doctor left I let go, and had a good cry. Everything was just too much. By now I had been at the hospital for about 60 hours, and had not eaten for almost 72 hours. I was having my first meal since being there. It was pleasant to get up, and use the restroom, but I had little else to make me feel better. The nurse came later to give my medicine. She asked if there was anything they could do to make me feel better. I told her I missed my dog. She told me she knew that sometimes dogs could come to the hospital and she would ask the doctor.
A few hours later the nurse returned to my room, and told me the doctor said my dog could visit for a few. I was so shocked I had my partner bring my dog immediately. I did not want to risk that they would change their mind. That night was probably the most pleasant night of my stay. Later I found out they didn't follow all the hospital protocols to allow my dog to visit, but that one hour he was there definitely helped lift my spirits.
The next day (11/13/15) went by somewhat uneventfully. I honestly don't even remember what doctor was on that day, or even if they came to see me. There was another patient who had entered the hospital the day before me, and was on bed rest with threatened preterm labor. I heard her screaming in the next room over. I was not aware until later, but she went into labor that day. I didn't think that boded well for me. I expressed my fears to my friends. They put together a "bed rest" entertainment package for me that they were going to deliver the next day. My in law's church family was also coming to visit me. I excitedly went to sleep that night looking forward to all the people I would get to see the next day. Little did I know all the drama the next day held.
Stay tuned for the next part! Catch up on previous parts here: 1 2 3 4